If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
