i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I won't apologize to a one balled man
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
