Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
