it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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