Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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