3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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