There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
