Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
