Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize