sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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