I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
