Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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