If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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