I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
