Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
