The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize