Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
