Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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