My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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