I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
