In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
