READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
