I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
