$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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