Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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