i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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