i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
