Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
