I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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