what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize