To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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