on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
