i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
