from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
