Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize