he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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