I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
