dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
