After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
