How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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