Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
