White coat. Heels.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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