"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
