I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
