i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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