I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
