quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
