can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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