He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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