so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
