Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Randomize
