We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize