I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
