Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
