2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
