Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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