Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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