I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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