He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
