Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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