I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize