I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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