Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
