if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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