She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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