im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize