i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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