He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
