I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
