Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
