The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
