Kiss
Puke
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
