I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
