I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize