I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
