I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just invented taco cereal.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up under a house in Key West
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
