sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize