I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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