i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
