I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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