Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
