You can't motorboat a personality
I hope mine doesn't look like that
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
