3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
