you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
then he tried to convert me to islam
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
