Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
