I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
