lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
