I cannot find my penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
