i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
