i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize