He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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