so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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