So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
