see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
