I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
