I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
