so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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