why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
