I have demons in me.
it's like iHOP with fire
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
