hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
