Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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