I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I did not marry a roomba.
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