Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
