I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
