Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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